Today collecting my pink IC....
weird thing is... this feeling i expected to be feel today...
Few months ago... i said to myself... when my ord date nears... somehow i think i will feel stress... rather than happy... surely, theres a certain percentage of "happy elements" here and there... but somehow... my mind is full of loads...

Its just i jumped out of a "comfort zone" where i have been for nearly 2 years? omg.. army a comfort zone for me?
somehow it is... though i always complain here and there... and i believe... i feel this way becos.. there are no commitment in it... but now.... im a civilian..

and life is going to get tougher and tougher... and recently... i reali think a lot.. at certain point of time... i have mental block and negative stuff drives in.. lucky its temporary but somehow its still lingering in my mind at times... no no... shdnt be pessimistic.. i guess... i put too much stress in myself.... but wat? no....

stress is gd if i can control it.. but somehow i feel im still learning on how to control it... and sometimes it overwhelm me... perhaps.. well.. ha

somehow a decision from 1 friend of my. make me kinda of low... his decision give me the thinking... an act of avoidance is there... though i understand his situation... or maybe... too much of understanding makes me lower... its like... the relationship is going to reach a point of 2 decades in 5 years or less or more time... an sms gives me the feeling... that... all humans are the same... the word is realistic...

somehow the question pop in my mind.... shd i continue?.... but another question pops up... wat am i going to do if i stop? and den... what i am going to do when if i continue... but if im going to continue... what i am going to do? and another floating advice came out of my mind telling there are too much responsibility for me to handle... somehow it look so simple... perhaps im not mature enough to handle all these...

Suddenly i feel no better than any secondary sch boys... my morale somehow drop to a level that... i was in 5 years ago.. where everything went wrong for me... and now.. im asking myself whether im in the right track of my life.. i know i am... if i cud perservere to continue... but where do i get the energy from?

And my temper never changes any better... whenever i get pissed or irriated or angry wif anything.. i feel so disgusted wif myself... And always regretted to be feeling that way... tried to control... but the controlling is like the repulsion of north and north pole magnet.. i cant hold it firmly... and my feeling is like wavering around and floating around.. which make me sick....

i dun think any potions can save me this time... becos the poison inside me is "me".... if i can overcome it... this post will be history...