for the first time, im feeling depressed in a weird way. Seriously, now my mind is full of stuffs and my heart is in emptiness. Im having an unknown disease and even my medical officers are guessing my condition. Having visiting the medical centre 5 times in a week for the same condition.

I really dont know what to do already. I missed my field camp and i had to face another setback by falling out of course. With my situation now, i dont think i can do any training now. I been having chest pain since last sunday

Make it short now, needa rest before booking in.
for now, i really dont want to let my family know my conditions and i have to bear wif the pain and act normally, its very tiring. My father's condition now also not very good. Hes been very depress now. And me...

My zhu... I let u down. Im not a 100% man now. Not even a fit man. Im sorry.

For what happen to me. I do not know. I just know, everything is not on my side now. Depression settling in soon if this goes on. And i dun kw how to face this and how to tell ppl abt this. No one will understand. the fear of knowing something is wrong wif me and yet i dun kw whats exactly wrong wif me, make me living in fear and stress and pain everyday.

Having so much of dreams and plans few weeks ago. Now seems like everything have to diminish into dust......

I let everybody down...
Sorry mum
Sorry dad
Sorry granny
Sorry grandpa
Sorry sis
Sorry bro
Sorry my dear friends
Sorry my zhu......