I dont know what happen to me. When the start, i go in army, my mindset is serve and end it fast. after a few weeks, i started to settle in, having a goal of being an officer or a sergeant after my POP. But who will ever think that during the second day of my field camp, my heart dosen belong to me anymore.

Why? Im in whirl now. for now i know i cant continue the training anymore. I cant even run now. The two days staying at home, im feeling very lethargic. I really must thank my zhu for coming over to my house to accompany me. I believe shes somewhat a little energy booster ba. Though i still feel tired when i c her, but im happy when i c her.

Tomorrow need to go back camp. I dont know whether i should make this decision of "out of course/training". Cos i believe if i dont. I have to redo my field camp and the coming SIT test. How on earth am i going to clear this by then? I cough, my chest pain, I ever take in deep breath, my chest still pain. WHY?!

The MO gave me medications, but it dont work. The hospital gave me medications, it dun work. Now who can save me?

Its very very annoying that i actually know the fact that im actually looking like a freaking half paralyse man who cant even do things properly. And i dont want to be like this. Cos many people will think that i always Keng. Given a chance to keng who dont wan? But now, its like my condition is getting worse. I also dun kw what to do.

If my decision is right to be out of training, i have to give up my dream of being a police after 2 years of national service. But well, what can i actually do to prevent it? Nothing. This two days i keep thinking of what to do.

Having an illness in me, is not a very good feeling. Seeing people physically fit, yet im like a cock who cant even clear normal physical activities now. But whenever i feel down. I always turn my focus to my family and my zhu, i just tell myself to be patient with myself. But can i do it?

I m trying......