My parents had gone for cruise yesterday evening; my brother went OBS camp 3 days ago. Leaving my sis and I at home. Haha. Sounds like freedom, not really. Without them at home, the whole home looks so incomplete. My grandma forever treat us as kids, came over and stay over to so called "take care" of us.

During normal days asked her to come over, she doesnt want. Now she comes finally. Haha. Well, its better for her to come over. If not I guess, she will be thinking and worrying over us, over at her own home.

Quite alright I guess, chat with her for quite some time while playing with my PS2. Yes, I can multi-tasking. Who dare to say I cant? Haha. Think back when I was young, She used to take care of me. I believe now, the role had been reversed. Haha.

I feel I really cant communicate with my parents. They will always think that Im always siding my sister. My sister is going to be 18 soon. Born in 1988, I guess its natural for them to worry but, Im just concern about my parents. They are always worried about her so they like to call her up where she is. What time coming home, etc. My sister either never picked up or shows her irritation. Why? Am I supposed to ignore this? See my mum nagged and nagged get herself angry, affect her health. Is this necessary?

My sister gets irritated by these actions. Then Im stuck in the middle. I plucked my courage to talk this out with my parents, in the end get scolded for my good intention. Fine I guess. I guess if they love to do it. Let them be it.

Sometimes, people never see the good intention I gave. Maybe my way of saying might mislead people. Fine well, as long as I know what im doing and not feeling the sense of guilt. Not only my parents, but some friends of mine too.

I believed I know why I cant communicate with my parents. My father is very hot tempered (its getting better nowadays). My mother is very conservative minded (always). Im carrying both of their characteristics. How to communicate with my father if we are both hot headed? How to communicate with my mum if my view of conservative is totally from her?

I tried four years to figure out how to have good communication with them. I failed eventually, but I certainly believe all these are temporary. One day, they will realise how thoughtful his son actually is. Stop the thick skinned Phil. Well, I am always thoughtful and filial. I have the courage to say this here. Why not?

I still love them as my parents. For what I am now, for what they gave me. They never give me a mansion to live in. They never drive big cars. They never give me abalone every meals. They never give me big notes as allowance.

So what? They gave me a 5 room flat to live in. They drive a Van. They fed me full and well. They never give me allowance. Im glad to be brought up this way, I still feel im too pampered by them. I can say Im not very independent still.

Who say rich people are always the one to be proud. I can shout out! "Im very proud to be poor!" Rich people are always carrying an emptied heart. I do not. I feel the love of my parents even they never say "I love you" to me before.

I define the word "rich" as poisonous, pollution, addiction, contamination, ruthless, soul-less and last but not least Rich people are just unmoral butch of zombies in my eyes.

I will never wish to be rich. Why? I know if I get rich one day, my soul will get contaminated with desires and I know I will become an unmoral zombie. But I still need to give my parents good life. I know my parents. They will never hope one day I will give them big houses, notes, cars, meals. I know what they want from me. For that, I know I already have the ability to do that. They just want me to be healthy, happy, all the simple things u can think of. To see those things, they are contented.

I hope one day my neighbour moved off and I can buy that apartment over and live beside them. Knock through the kitchen walls and our apartments will be linked. Cool right? Then the house will be damn big. Haha. Lunch time!!!!

When I have nothing to do, this is what happen...

Missed



As I was walking along the shores,
The sound of waves told me
That you tried to tell me something
My mind is full of your voices
I started to miss you
Where are you?

My feet is covered with the sands of memories
But I cant see the footprints which I left behind
Its being washed away by the betrayals of waves
I used to write your name on the sand
I used to carve your name on the rock
But your name was faded away as the time rolls by
Its gone.

Im searching for a new tomb
To bury the memories we used to share
I dig a hole with my bare hands
To realise that they started to bleed
The sight of the blood sunk into my soul
To feel as if they were flowing into you and me
Its numb.

The rain pours in the midst of sun set evening
The raindrops resembled our tears and sweat
It tasted so sour and bitter just like the feeling
When you left me for the last time
It hurts.

The rain stopped and I caught a glimpse of the rainbow
The colours of the rainbow resembled your smiles from heaven
I know you are smiling from there
My vision blurred
My feet weakened
I was brought down to my knees
As if I was hit by something on my back
Its hard

I opened my eyes weakly
Its so bright that I can hardly see
I saw an angel standing at a corner
I smiled
I know it's you.