Chulia Street
OCBC Center
9.31am

Yeah, Happy Valentine's Day to all once again! Happy working Phil! Yeap, as usual, staring at the monitor and trying to gain attachment experience. Such precious experience I got here. Now no more own desk. Now was back to sit at the corner of the office with another new intern. Auntie was vacuuming the floor now, Attachment with free orchestra music. Here I got a nicely manufactured chair to seat. Its so rocky and fun as if Im going to fall off anytime if Im not alert.

Maybe I should take photo of the situation Im facing now so as to keep an unforgettable memory at OCBC. True enough, I will miss some of the nice staffs there. Maybe I will even dream of some the "wonderful" staffs here.

Yesterday night I intend to sleep after I post the post at my blog. But when I entered my room, I opened up my drawer and I started digging out the letters my first ex gave me. Yes I still keep it, but without any special feelings for her anymore.

She was in Sec 1 at the time, and I was in sec 4. Its those most innocent and purest love you can ever imagine. Sweet talks and Child talks in all the letters she gave me. Written in those cute cartoon and scent papers, every lines and words fill with pure happiness and innocent love. Perhaps I shall say shes the girl who gave me the most vivid memories in my life. I shall say, shes the one whom I love most among all. The sweetest thing I guess its, Im her first boyfriend and shes my first official girlfriend. Too bad, good things never last. Everything is just temporary. All simply just memories...

Chulia Street
OCBC Center
12.32pm

Yes eat alone at the pantry again. Better still. Dont feel like hanging out with people. Outside the OCBC building got people selling flowers. Today’s feelings were kind of confusing and messed up. Perhaps maybe the Valentine's Day effect affect too greatly on me. Just simply think too much. Yesterday night, I dug out all the treasures from my drawers and cupboards. Looking at those things, a sudden warmth caresses my soul with those forgetted loves I used to have. Every single one of them is still kept under good conditions.

Maybe some may just say I cant forget the past. Yes I cant forget. No one in this world can. I treat it as a memory which helps me soothe the pain of loneliness. No one can understand this kind of feelings im facing now. Even I cannot understand.

Perhaps its very true that one cannot work and succeed if one's soul is not within him. Yes I cant find my soul. My mind is being contaminated. My soul had lost his way. Lost the power to think right. Lost the will to survive. Lost the determination to fight.

I forgive myself for feeling and thinking the way im now. Today is meant to be an emotional day. Its alright for me pour out everything I accumulates without noticing it.
Its okay to think of the past because I know its just pure memories without any weights of love. Its okay for me to feel sad and lonely because I know this is only temporary.

If you love someone, let him/her know
If you dont love him/her, let him/her go

14.57pm

Im so tired. Perhaps I did not sleep well last night. Imagine I can go to the toilet and sleep for 15 minutes. I placed the lid down and sit there and fell asleep. I had just finished my task and now waiting for the tasks to come again. I feel like smoking again. However, my promise stays true, as I promised some trustworthy friend of mine to stop. Its not the crave for touching it, its not about addiction. Its just the feeling.

Its coming back. Emotional cells all active again. However, I look at it as a part of me, without emotions, im as good as a robot. I believed my emotional is an advantage to me. I can feel the extra, most people cant. I use my heart to see people. I believed, that is why I don't have many true friends. I only hang around with friends which I called friends. To show my respect and honoured that I love you guys and girls, I shall list out the names one by one

You are just so great to be part of my life although we do not spend much time together

Start with guys.

Jowin- my 11 years buddy. The years show everything.
Liyang- my 6 years buddy. Our relationship goes up and down but you are still my buddy

Gary, Renxi and Ann Aik- these 3 guys walked through the thick and thin with me in the reign of my poly life. Fun and laughter is turned on, every time we meet.

Sharil, Roy, Ck- this 3 guys spend a few months with me I considered them as steady and trustworthy friends of mine still and always.

Bryan, Xiangzheng and Jackson- I believed they are my closest friends in my working reign. Although Jackson is no longer around, he still lives in me forever.

Girls now

Angela, Baoyue - Never failed to listen to me when Im down. Advices have been good always.

Cynthia - Forget the bad memories we used to have, you are a friend I can always trust.

Jeslyn - My ever beloved stubborn god sista

Jessica – My “mummy” and Im her “daddy”

Margaret – A friend whom I owed a lot. I had a lot to learn from her yet.

Olivia and Minli – My god elder sis I haven’t get in touched with for a long long time

Napalie and Rebecca – Two kiddish and cutest god sisters I ever have

Pearlin – Another stubborn girl whom I can always trust and count on, right Sotong?

Jieqi – The strongest minded girl I ever seen in my life! Right stingray? WA a lot of seafood.

Serene Chiang – Ok see this girl! You are in my list!

Xiuzhen – A very special friend whom I know since secondary school.

Xiaotian – My neighbour who lived above me. Always share problems together whenever possible.

Yingling – How can I forget about you? A siao za bor who share the same birthday as me.

Peiching – She always lends me notes and teaches me the school work in poly.

I hope I never left out anyone. You guys make an impact in my life. I appreciated a lot. I know most will not read my blog. But its ok. At least I know they are special in my heart.