❥Wednesday, January 11, 2006,1/11/2006 01:12:00 AM
❥A Brand New Day Is Always A Brand New Start
Wednesday
Okay its after 12 and i cant sleep so get my ass down on this hard fucking chair and write sumthing in my blog. There are so many things to say but i dun kw where to start. Why humans will get stubborn? They know they simply cant get what they want but they still insist in pursuing their dreams and goals?
They fell and fell and fell and fell for the fucking number of times.. y they still cant rid of their thoughts of what they want? And someone out in this world just did the thing that he hate to do.. For whatever fucking reasons... i just did it. I know a lot of people will read what i wrote here... so i chose not say it... I dun wan too many ppl know how i feel... SO what?!! like as if i care... my friend is right... Who will actualli reali be there for you when you need them? NO ONE... yes i mean no one... the ones are wif me are just my blog and pc...
A pc can provide me company wif music... A blog can let me rant watever fucking shit i want. Friends? where are my true friends? Perhaps... i dun even nid friends... Im living in my own world. Im so pathetic... I cant find a better word... Maybe I'm worst than pathetic... Im beyond hope. I m disgusted when i c myself in the mirror.
Im always happy go lucky? YA shut up.. as if.. i should put it this way... im always running away from the facts. Theres always an easier out... "Look in front... theres another path right at the end" But im still rooted to the ground... why phil why why why why why why???? Fuck u phil... can you get this in your fucking mind?
Work.... family... friends... studies... my dreams... are just not going the way i want... perhaps its just onli temporary... yes the optimistic way of thinking. WHY?? CAn anyone tell me why? why i always cant get what i want... i did all i can... is it what i did in the past... tat god had to punish me this way? Just let me off please... Please someone... i beg u.... just free me from all this shit...
All this while... i m getting worse and worse.... saying im happy? Im alrgt?? Its just a lie... A smile on my face is always temporary... A smile in my heart nv exist. Perhaps.. onli someone out there in this world can make it happen... for whoever she is.. But i guess its already too late... My grandma and grandpa visit me just now.. shes seems ok... im quite glad tat shes not coughing away... hope she will take the supplement i bought for her... AND PLEASE MUM dun NAG AT ME ALREADY CAN?? i know i 2ml haf to work... i know u care.. can u just leave me alone... pls... PLEASe.... Im so desperate now... i can just jus simply end everything now... I might be acting irresponsible... but im just sick of everything.. PLEASE DUN NAG MUM!!! GO AND SLEEP!!!
i dun kw what to say now... my mind is just so heavy that i cant think... maybe im uttering shit now... All i want is just a simple life..
why is it i look things so complicated?
why is that i always cant get the things i want?
Why it seems tat god is always trying to take happiness away from me?
Who is my true friends?
Why am i born so emotional?
Why cant i just have a cold and bloody heart?
Why do i exist?
What contributions can i bring to this world?
Why am i always feel so sad?
Why am i always feel so lonely?
Why is tat i cant control my emotions?
Why i cant be happier?
Why you dont love me?
Why are we still friends?
Why we cant be together?
Why did we hold hands?
Why is tat no1 understand me?
Why i cant get simple life?
Why i cant sleep every nite?
Why am i so tired?
Why am i sick so often?
Where is happiness?
Whats love?
Whats care?
Whats concern?
What it takes to fall in love?
Why i cant cry?
Is that Im already so numb?
Why my grandma's health never improved?
Whats marriage?
Whats the feeling of marrying some1 u love?
Whats the feeling of having own kids?
Whats the feeling of having grandchildren?
Whats the feeling when u get stabbed in your heart?
Whats the feeling you fell from the 9th floor?
Whats the feeling when u cut ur wrist?
Whats the feeling when u take drugs?
Whats the feeling when you die?
whats the feeling when u sleep forever?
I guess all this is not important anymore...
theres no point asking...
No1 will answer me
there will never be a answer to it..
I just need sleeping pills to sleep now
I just want to sleep forever...
wifout noise.... just peace...