She haf bf again. i dun kw whether im happi now. i dun kw whether im sad now. seeing her friendster pic wif her bf. kinda handsome. suddenly i feel so low. feel so low. feel so low. its i dun kw how to put in words. maybe im already numb these 2 years plus. i said i gave up. I hate to hear from her sis. her sis words always gave me words of encourage towards her. Her sis asked me to accompany "her" to go aljunied. and said that she will be extremely happy. what is this? AM I THINKING TOO MUCH?? this is very very deceiving and im very very very demoralised. Y her sis always encouraged me to continue when everytime i m on the edge of giving up, and now expect me to accept that she haf a bf now. its not the first time. its the third time im taking this blow. Mayb i think too much. I dun wan to feel this way u guys know? its reali sucks. i wan to cry yet i cant. Ever since we broke up, she haf 3 bfs. 2 years..... 2 years... mayb to u is not long, its nthning. but the life i haf in this 2 years is no1 reali knows. i never reali said out how i reali feel to people ard me, not even my buddy, sorry. it wont do any better. the problem lies within me. Although the times we been together is not long. but she changed my life, changed me for the better, changed me for the worst, changed the way i feel abt life. change the way i feel towards love, changed the way i treat family, changed the mindset towards my future, changed my passion for the company im working @, every little things, every words, every actions from her towards me every now and then are just so precious. its reali hard to describe. Is loving someone so hard? so torturing? isnt love a great thing? i believe many people like me hurt in relationship b4. man..... i reali hope to end this suffering. but i cant, i haf to see every now and then. the meeting wif her makes is always bothering me. i dun kw how to face her animore. the passion for the comapny and my future ther is totally zero. perhaps mayb negative. results of poly coming out soon. i dun wan any more bad news happen to me. The optimistic phil is extinct. i dun haf the courage, i dun haf the mood, i dun haf anithing in my mind now. i just nid a long long long cry after this two years. And now my parents are nagging @ me. blaming me. oh man i wana cry now. i cant take it animore. i haf enuff of all this. y my life suddenly bcum like this. everything goes the other way i wan it to be. i want a peaceful family, i want to give my parents a good life. its turn the other way round now. my beloved grandma health is not gd now. i cant do anithing abt it. Margaret i guess if u are reading this now. i hope i can learn from u. i hope u can wake me up. if not im will b still b staying this way as long as you, xueyi is the one i still love.

Holding back my tears,
feeling the hurt i have,
its not the same as before....
thinking back....
love is always beautiful,
breaking up is torturing....
my mind is closing up,
nothing gets inside my ears,
i long for the day i get out of my heart.......

Used to hold your hands while watching the stars
the moments are just so magical.... so magical.....

Maybe...
love isnt so beautiful...